The Boredom Chronicles
by dobbyfan18
Summary: The Marauders are bored. What strangeness will occur? BETTER THAN THE TITLE MAKES IT SOUND! Please r&r.
1. Sirius's Boredom

Sirius: I'm bored.  
  
Remus: Uh-oh. That's never a good thing.  
  
James (in high voice): Here, Snivellus Snivellus Snivellus....  
  
Peter: looks excited  
  
Remus (thinking): Great, here we go again. And this time no Lily around. Yep, just terrific.  
  
Sirius: Oooooh, look, something shiny!  
  
James: quits calling Snape to watch  
  
Peter: looks disappointed (mutters) Darned shiny thing....  
  
Sirius: walks over to shiny ball that looks like one of those lawn decoration thingymabobbers and touches it  
  
Alyssa, Squidward, Tevan, Merry (the hobbit whose last name I can't remember), Mrs. Desaire, some random old guy on a bike, me, Hannah, and an elk: appear out of nowhere  
  
James, Remus, and the random old guy on a bike: YOU IDIOT!  
  
Hannah and I: Yay! A lot of shiny things!  
  
Sirius: Yay! More people who like shiny things!  
  
Tevan: Yay! I get to meet the Marauders and Layna doesn't!  
  
Squidward (looking at Mrs. Desaire): Yay! Somebody to wrestle with!  
  
Mrs. Desaire: Yay! Lots of people that I can yell at for talking!  
  
Elk: Yay! Grass!  
  
Peter: Yay! A talking elk!  
  
Alyssa: Why is everybody saying ÔYay'?  
  
Merry: Yay! Somebody else who's thinking that!  
  
Alyssa: Grrrrrrrrr.  
  
Hannah: Hey, that's my line! How rude!  
  
Me: James, are you shiny?  
  
Sirius: Hey, why didn't I think of that?  
  
James: Umm, no.  
  
Random old guy on a bike: My bike is shiny, though.  
  
Hannah, Sirius, and I: Yay! Something shiny!  
  
Hannah: Oh, cool, that elk is shiny, too!  
  
Elk: Who, me? looks alarmed, steals the old guy's bike to get away from us  
  
Sirius: Nooooooo! The shiny elk is getting away on the shiny bike! Somebody get him! Hey, Alyssa, your earring is shiny.  
  
Alyssa: Uh.....help?  
  
Merry: Don't worry ---  
  
James: Be happy!  
  
Merry: No, no, I'm supposed to say, ÔDon't worry, I'll save you!  
  
James: Oh.  
  
Merry: Don't worry, I'll save you! Hai-YAH!  
  
Tevan: Ahem, I'm the one who knows martial arts here.  
  
Merry: Yes, but I have a sword.  
  
Tevan: Okay, fair point. Let's BOTH defend her!  
  
Alyssa (thinking): Oh, boy... a hobbit and Layna's brother both trying to protect me from a fictional character who wants my shiny earring.  
  
Remus: Hey, how come I haven't said anything since I yelled at Sirius? looks around, trying to glare at the author, but she's not in her usual spot  
  
Me: Yoo-hoo, I'm over here!  
  
Remus: Oh yeah. starts chasing me  
  
Me: I shouldn't have said that, I should not have said that. OY, TEVAN, MERRY! OVER HERE!  
  
Hannah: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Come back, shiny elk! Mrs. Desaire, you have to help me bring them back!  
  
Betty: Your call did not go through. Will you please hang up, and try your call again.  
  
Jaden: Hey, Betty is MY name! starts doing a can-can and tries to join Remus in attacking the author at the same time  
  
Merry: cuts a hole in Jaden's can-can dress with his sword  
  
Jaden: Oh no! My giant top hat is missing!  
  
Squidward: walks over wearing Jaden's giant top hat Where did you come from?  
  
Jaden: Uhhhh, Turkmenistan.  
  
Squidward: Well, stop saying you can draw me committing suicide! AAAAAAAARGH! Attacks Jaden and knocks him unconcious  
  
Merry: Wakes up Jaden, dances, and eats french fries And THAT'S why you shouldn't steal my best friend's lemons.  
  
Jaden: looks horrified Not again....And that dancing was really scary.  
  
Me (calling after Merry): You know, as nice as it is to see Jaden get harassed by the fictional characters that he abuses regularly, Remus is about to attack me.  
  
Remus: Who me? Whatever gave you that idea? I'm just standing here listening to Eminem, which I don't get because I don't even know who Eminem is.  
  
Me: Oh, in that case, I'll just go trick Jaden into eating tofu now.  
  
Kati's trampoline: appears out of nowhere  
  
Me: How handy. Oh wait, why do I need a trampoline?  
  
Tevan: Unlike Candy. Back off, Sirius! The earring is MINE!  
  
Alyssa: looks scared, runs away, and cowers on the trampoline  
  
Me: Well, I suppose that's a good use for it. Hey, Jaden, did you know tofu is really good?  
  
Jaden: Really? Is it better than lemons?  
  
Hannah: holds out bowl of tofu See for yourself.  
  
Jaden: Mmmffffffwwwww.  
  
Hannah: Something about potatoes, right?  
  
Me: Dunno. Let's squish him.  
  
Hannah and I: Jump on Jaden repeatedly   
  
Jaden: Fffffffmmmmmuuuuuu!! spits out tofu I mean, get off me! Ouch!  
  
Me: holds out bowl of tofu, which Jaden grabs Wow, you actually like it! takes picture of this monumental event  
  
Jaden: dislocates his shoulder trying to not be in the picture  
  
Tevan: Hey! I resemble that! The tofu comment, I mean!  
  
Me: Don't you mean Ôresent'?  
  
Tevan: points to cardboard cutout of himself with a neon sign that says Ôthe tofu comment' over it No.  
  
Me: Oh. I see.  
  
Peter: runs over and sits on Jaden What? You two stopped jumping.  
  
Hannah: So? We changed our minds.  
  
Me: We did? Ow! Oh, yeah, we did...  
  
Jaden: Ooooooooouuuuuuffffffmmmmm..... uuuugggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  
  
Sirius: Perhaps that's how they talk in Turkmenistan.  
  
Hannah: No, his mouth is just full of tofu.  
  
Sirius: Is tofu shiny?  
  
Hannah: Good question. Jaden, is tofu shiny?  
  
Jaden: Mmmmmmfffffffff.  
  
Me: Hey, MF! Mezzo forte!  
  
Squidward: I think that's a no.  
  
Betty: Let's un-tofu Jaden.  
  
James: Why? I happen to like gorillas, thank you very much.  
  
Betty: Because that way, we can throw water balloons at him.  
  
Tevan: Ummm... why?  
  
Betty: To find out if tofu is shiny, of course!  
  
Random old guy on a bike: Sounds like a plan to me!  
  
Me: All in favor of un-tofuing Jaden and throwing water balloons at him, say ÔCUCUMBER!'!  
  
Everybody except Jaden, Squidward and Merry: CUCUMBER!  
  
Squidward and Merry: CUCUMBER CUCUMBER CUCUMBER CUCUMBER CUCUMBER!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jaden: Nnnnnnnnllllllll!  
  
Sirius: Are cucumbers shiny? conjures watermelons and untapes Jaden  
  
Squidward: Hang on, why do we all have watermelons?  
  
Sirius: Oh, they were supposed to be water BALLOONS, weren't they? Oh well, let's throw these watermelons at him!  
  
Me (in extremely high voice): NYUK NYUK NYUK!!! no one notices, they're too busy pelting Jaden with watermelons but missing because of his reflexes developed by dodging cameras for several years  
  
THE END (maybe) Last minute A/N before I post this: When I wrote this, I put astrics around the actions, but on the preview they're not showing up, so I dunno if they will on here or not. But they WERE in there originally! 


	2. James's Boredom

Disclaimer: :8) -- Hey look, it's Dudley! OK, I guess the distraction didn't work. I own Thomas Wood. That's it. Happy now?   
  
James sighed. He was bored. And worse, he had a perfectly good reason to be. There was absolutely NOTHING to do.  
  
None of his friends could do anything. Sirius was being kept prisoner at his cousins' house. Remus was vacationing in Venezuela; why Venezuela, James had no idea. Peter...well, James didn't really know, but he had Flooed and no one was there. Thomas Wood already had someone at his house. James had even tried to call Amos Diggory on the fellietonie thing, but had gotten a message saying that "this number has been extinguished" or something like that.  
  
Then James had tried doing something on his own. Quidditch was rather hard to play with only yourself and a house-elf that you had recruited but who kept falling off the broom. Reading wasn't nearly as much fun when he couldn't look up and say, "Moony, look at this!" or "Hey, Sirius, think we should test this one on Snivellus?" Eating macaroons worked, but James got sick (literally) of that fairly quickly.  
  
And so he....sat. And sighed. And sat some more. And sighed some more. And sat some more. And considered getting out the macaroons again, but decided he didn't wish to repeat that experience. So he sighed some more. And sat some more. And then it came to him....take pictures of the bedspread!  
  
Fourteen minutes and twenty-nine blurry moving pictures of gold shapes on a red background later, he gave up. And so began again the eternal cycle of sitting and sighing. And eventually, so an idea was born: Evans.  
  
Looking back, James couldn't see why he'd never thought of this before. After all, you only had to go to the end of the block the Potter mansion was on, turn right, and walk seventeen more blocks, and you would reach the Evans household, as Petunia called it, otherwise known as Lily's house.   
  
Seventeen and a half blocks is rather a long way... if you're not James. And if the person who you've been obsessed with for about four years doesn't live those seventeen and a half blocks away. And, of course, if you don't have a state-of-the-art broomstick and an Invisibility Cloak. But naturally, James was James, and the person who he'd been obsessed with for about four years did live those seventeen and a half blocks away, and he did have a state-of-the-art broomstick and an Invisibility Cloak. Therefore, it wasn't such a long way to go. And therefore, he went. Besides, he had nothing better to do --- not that visiting Lily wouldn't rank first on his list anyway.  
  
James rang the doorbell. (A/N: I know, really interesting sentence, isn't it? ;-P) It was answered by a tall blond girl with a snooty expression and a giant, overly-sparkly engagement ring.   
  
"Who are you and why are you here?" demanded the girl, who anybody who's capable of reading this story should be able to identify as Petunia.  
  
"Gee, that makes you sound really friendly," James responded sarcastically.  
  
"Really, it does?" asked Petunia breathily.  
  
"A sure sign of intelligence," James muttered. Then he said more clearly, "No. Anyway, please tell Lily that her friend...um...Lettuce Potter is here but that Cheese Black couldn't come.  
  
(A/N: Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha! Since Hannah and I couldn't use it on Jaden (really early in the morning), I might as well use it here! I wonder if James has an Aunt Simon...)  
  
"Okaaaaaay... just a minute," said Petunia "sweetly," muttering under her breath as she turned, "Filthy magical people, using freaky names with my sister..."   
  
In exactly forty-three seconds (as timed by James), Lily was out and fuming.  
  
"Er...hello, Tiger-Evans.  
  
Lily looked scornful and confused.  
  
"No, no, wait! It must have been Tiger-LILY! Yes, that's it... Hello, Tiger-Lily.  
  
Lily took a deep breath. "Okay, number one! DO NOT call me that. Number two! Why did you just call yourself lettuce and your fellow egomaniac Black cheese? And number three! WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY HOUSE?! I thought I was SAFE during the holidays!  
  
"Number one, but I like that name. Number two, I have no clue. Number three, I do live approximately seventeen blocks away, you know, and yes you are safe, now that I'M here," replied James, barely blinking. "But on to other matters ---  
  
"No," said Lily flatly.  
  
"No what?" James was confused.  
  
"No, I won't go out with you, and no, I won't go over to your house. Now please leave.  
  
James was in a slight daze. ÔLily just said please to me. That's almost civil. Must be the Potter charm,' he thought. What he actually said was, "Okay, you don't have to date me and you don't have to come to my house. But you never said I couldn't come in." And with that, he stepped in and started dusting his feet on the Evanses' welcome mat, which had a picture of a Pekingese on it.  
  
Now it was Lily's turn to sit and sigh. "Fine, come in. Get plowed down by Petunia's fiancŽ. Have a nice day.  
  
"Oh," James said slyly, "but you're forgetting one thing. I'm a Marauder. Marauders don't get plowed down by Muggles.  
  
Which turned out to be true. James still had his cloak and top-of-the-line Maplespeed 5000: the perfect tools for tricking a Muggle without getting carted away by the Ministry for "improper use of magic.  
  
He crept into the sitting room and stood, invisible, behind the large, purple man that he took to be the infamous Vernon Dursley. Dursley was making small talk with Petunia and her parents and changed the subject quite drastically thanks to a poke from the end of the broomstick.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Evans, I quite enjoy classical ---" Jab. " --- GET YOUR OWN TOOTHPASTE!"   
  
Lily was giggling; James could hear her. He turned around, grinned, and messed up his hair, forgetting that no one could see it anyway. Then he grabbed a startled Lily and snuck up to her room.  
  
"Told you Marauders don't get attacked by obese Muggles.  
  
"Okay, well, fine. But now Petunia's after your blood, so you'd best be off.  
  
James stood hesitantly.  
  
"No, nevermind, stay for a while. Then maybe Petunia will badly injure you and I won't have to deal with you anymore.  
  
"Aww, think about it. Do you REALLY want to sic your sister on me?" said James with his best puppy-dog face.  
  
"Yes," replied Lily, but she was grinning.  
  
ÔMaybe she really does like me,' thought James.  
  
"Don't even think about it, Potter," Lily said quickly. "This is just the effects of living with Petunia: You're glad to see someone who likes you besides your parents.  
  
James crinkled up his eyes and raised one eyebrow. "Are you a Legilimens?  
  
"A Leggy-what?  
  
ÔSuperb,' thought James, ÔSomething I know that Evans doesn't!  
  
"It's, like, somebody who can read minds. Or, access memories. Snivellus is one.  
  
"Oh, great, thanks. Now I'm going to spend my last year at Hogwarts wondering if HE'S reading my thoughts. But, don't worry, I'm not. I mean, I didn't even know what it was until just now.  
  
"Lily, dear, who are you talking to up there?" called Mrs. Evans.  
  
"Oh --- just --- thinking aloud, Mum!  
  
"All right then," said Mrs. Evans, sounding skeptical.  
  
"Talking to your pet lettuce," James grinned. Not his usual about-to-play-a-prank grin, Lily noticed, but more of an actual smile. She returned it.   
  
"NOW will you go out with me, or do you still like the giant squid better?  
  
"I still prefer the squid. But maybe, just maybe, I WILL go over to your house.  
  
A/N: Well, originally I wasn't going to post this, so that's why there's no author's notes or disclaimers or anything on the first chapter. And yes, I KNOW I shouldn't have started another story, but what can I say? I was bored. I had writer's block on most of my other fics. It was summer. So... if you haven't already, please look at my profile and read some of my other fics! If you like the randomness in chappie one or the Maraudery-ness in this one (which I hope I achieved), you'll definitely like some of my other stories. And please review! I beg of you! I'm always deliriously happy when I get an email in case it's a review alert! So bye until next time I'm bored! Have a nice day! :-D (Hey, I just used a lot of exclamation points, how interesting.) 


	3. Peter's Boredom

Disclaimer: I don't own cabbage. I don't own Peter (good, I don't know what I'd do if I did). I only own the idea of them dancing, and other strange things. Actually, Sergeant Mo came up with cabbage eating Peter, so there you have it!  
  
Peter felt hopeless. (A/N: So what else is new? He IS hopeless.) It was only the ninth day of summer, and he'd ran out of things to do. He couldn't practice magic without breaking the "Decree of Something-or-Other", as he called it, and he wasn't much in the mood to be arrested. He had a strong feeling that his friends were ignoring him, unless they had Flooed or something while his Muggle parents had taken him camping for two days. He had no magical belongings except his wand, school books, cauldron, etc. And so, in conclusion: PETER WAS BORED.  
  
But of course, being Peter, this boredom caused him to rummage in the fridge a lot. And that is how he came across his inspiration. That inspiration was (DUN DUN DUN) cabbage.  
  
Yes, cabbage.  
  
OK, you can quit gaping now.  
  
Hellooooo....readers....  
  
Right, well, anyway, you'd actually be surprised how many things one can do with a head of cabbage, especially if one has been hanging out with the Marauders for three years.   
  
First, in order to preserve his entertainment, Peter vowed not to eat the cabbage until he had used it in all other ways possible. Then he had to think of what those might be. The first (and possibly most obvious one) was catch, but since no one else was around, Peter settled for playing cabbageball with his next-door neighbor's basketball hoop.  
  
After picking up the cabbage from the ground multiple times (one of the advantages of a basketball is that it bounces), Peter decided to try something else. The result of that was a sore head from trying to bounce the cabbage on it. Then he had to rest a minute and think... and after a while, he had an idea. (A/N: Quick, get the newscasters and the photographers and the annoying dudes who ask too many questions! Peter had an idea!)  
  
Soon Peter was waltzing around his front yard (literally) with the cabbage. His idea had been... well, see if you can guess. (;-/) But that was the second-to-last of his ideas. (A/N: Blame Peter's imagination, not mine! lol)  
  
Slightly mournfully (the cabbage had been an exceptionally good dance partner in comparison to Peter himself), Peter sat down on his porch and commenced to eat his head of cabbage.  
  
However, the cabbage apparently had other ideas. It sprang to life with an ear-splitting roar and attacked him, eventually eating him. And that is why, that day, when Peter's parents came home from work, they found a very satisfied-looking cabbage sitting on their front porch, but no Peter. YAY CABBAGE!  
  
¤¤¤ Yeah, I'm bored again already. I used a lot of parentheses ( () ) (freaky) in this one, didn't I? Future notice: Trust me, I like Remus a lot better, but I wasn't sure just now what he might do when he's bored. If you review, I'd like you to vote whether he should start them passing notes in History of Magic, or find out how the others can become Animagi. Well, people seem to review more when I plead less, so I'll just say it once: Please review! ¤¤¤   
  
¤¤¤ P.S. Thanks to those of you who did review here or elsewhere! ¤¤¤ 


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